Many people tend to think that being a stepmom is easier than having own children. With the only physical difference that you didn’t deliver and breast-fed those children, being a stepmom is way harder and complicated. Certainly, the fact that you aren’t their “true” mom plays a relevant role in the entire process of bringing up a child as children struggle to consider you “their” mom.
To All New Stepmoms Out There
Life can be seriously challenging for stepmoms who aren’t natural moms to their children because they hardly would be able to understand and give the right meaning to their kids’ behaviors and believe it that certain kids behave so weirdly when it comes to accepting a stepmom in their life. It’s a delicate and complicated life step, it’s hard for both sides, and probably the kids’ natural parent carries a very difficult task trying to match the stepmom’s needs and the child’s desires and needs.
The entire family needs some time and even years, before getting to the right balance and adjustment. You can’t illude yourself that you can skip this phase, it’s hard but you can’t avoid it, anyway.
As a stepmom, you are expected to be able to replace the “true” mom in everything. You are maybe even expected to be able to surpass her. Your partner’s children’s expectations might be very difficult to meet even if you are the best-intentioned woman on earth.
The Perfect Stepmom’s Vademecumco
Just know that you aren’t the only one to face such difficulties nor are you the first one. There are smart tricks that you can learn and try in your real life to smoothen things and situations that might cause family troubles. We aren’t telling you that you’re going to be a perfect stepmom but you will certainly improve yourself and fit more into your new role.
As we’ve just told you above, you will be often expected to be able to do the impossible. It’s not because you are superwoman but simply because your kids want to “compare” your skills to their biological mom’s skills. Prepare yourself to be constantly under scrutiny and examination and to always give the best to them, within reason. You will be often expected to be able to fix troubles of all types. Even the simplest everyday troubles might become a reason to test your problem-solving skills. Do you have trouble with a broken sink in the kitchen? Or you have a problem with the home’s electrical system? Don’t let these problems find unprepared, browse Certified Contractors and find the right certified electrician, plumber, locksmith near you, in no time.
Stepping into a family means to accept the role that you find yourself without asking why. Your partner will always love his kids with special love and you should never reproach him about giving less priority in his heart. They came first in his life, then you came.
- Embrace motherhood
Motherhood is the world’s hardest job. As a stepmom, you are called to take this position. You can’t be a good stepmom if you still behave like a girl. You must get into doing motherly duties and this can only be learned by practice. Your best intentions are what you need in order to get ahead.
- Manage jealousy
Your partner’s kids will surely show you their jealousy and resentment. Take that as a normal reaction. They have an intense feeling that you can’t destroy. You don’t have to compete with their mom’s memory, you should offer yourself as a “friend” who loves them, as a person who cares about them. They will understand that you don’t come to delete their mom from their life, but simply to love them.
- Overcome arguments
All couples have their arguments, it’s normal. However, your position is a little more unstable in the family, so try to reconnect to your partner after each argument. If his kids see you fighting over everything, they will draw a negative image of you in their mind. Show them that you want to be peaceful.
This is a rule of thumb for every person on earth but stepmoms need to have a larger amount of patience than normal. Be ready to give your partner and kids support when they need it. That requires patience and sensibility to understand what the others are feeling at a particular moment. Prepare birth cakes and be patient if the kids can’t still accept your best honest efforts. One day they will thank you, but you have to be determined and consistent.
Finally, keep in mind that you can join stepparent associations and groups where you can find support and also psychological help. These groups are excellent to share opinions and everyday life experiences with the partner’s kids.